Day 4

Technically and otherwise this is day 4 of showing up.

A blessing that needs to be counted is the fact that my sister was very generous at Christmas, which, as a result meant that I had the money in my bank account that I needed to pay a vet bill and thus no need to use a credit card. I didn't expect the visit to be so expensive, but between exam fee, 3 vaccinations, a culture of nasty ear stuff, meds and earwash for the nasty ear stuff and some more flea treatment for dog and cat, it was VERY expensive. My sister had given me this money suggesting that I use some for Xmas and save as much as I could for later. Of course the blessing that is my sister goes way beyond her generosity with money. Her unfailing love and support for my whole entire life means the WORLD to me. Thank you sis!

Another blessing comes again in the form of this counselor I have now seen twice. He is kind and caring and does pay attention. And there is a spiritual dimension to the care/counseling he is providing. I've toyed for years with the idea of meditating, tried it for a bit, but never stuck with it. He is encouraging me to do this and explained why and how he thought it could benefit me. So I've committed to 1o minutes of meditation a day for this next week. This will push all of my resistance to discipline buttons. I know because it's already started, but I did get in 10 minutes this evening. So a blessing in the form of this counselor and a self-blessing because I sat and breathed for 10 minutes tonite. I made a start.

Found two more jobs to apply for. I asked a friend if I could send my cover letter and the job description and get his input as to how effectively my cover letter addresses the job qualifications. This renewed friend from highschool...another blessing. The fact that I reached out and asked for his help...another self-blessing.

I really like this concept of blessings and thinking about how I can bless myself, my loved ones, my home, pets, friends, strangers, you name it, all day everyday, or often throughout the course of each day, by choosing to do something kind and/or constructive. Then by taking note of them and recording them here I have a reminder of the power of paying attention and proof of how many blessings I receive and how many opportunities there are for me to be a blessing to others as well.

Showing up day 3

Okay day 3, technically day 4 but i explained that already.

This one will be short

I'll start with some honesty: Looking for jobs and being continually rejected SUCKS!! Recently got rejected for 5 different positions. I'm getting nervous and feel kind of helpless. The whole age thing keeps echoing in my head.

Now for the blessing: I was thinking about all this ridiculous economy stuff: greedy, stingy bankers, no end in sight in terms of unemployment rate going down til the end of this brand new year and feeling so discouraged because of my age and who knows what else?
I walked into the church in the middle of the homily and heard the priest talking about our dreams and how they need to be God-infused to be stronger than all of the negative dreams floating around out in the world and how we can't let ourselves be limited or limit ourselves with our own ways of oppressing ourselves. That just really hit home when I needed to hear it. . But the whole thing was really synchronistic...I felt really blessed in those moments. I need to get a copy of my priest's notes so I can read and reread as a way of encouraging myself and hanging on to that blessing.

Self-blessing: I got my exercise video from the library....which is a start. But even bigger than that I made myself go to church when I didn't want to go and was blessed with the message of the homily and the affirmation of my belonging in that family.

Ok--that's it for today!

Day 2 of showing up

Technically it looks as if I missed a day but this post counts as yesterdays because I haven't gone to bed yet.

I've shown up and my blessings I'll count for today are:

Our dear puppy Ella. We had a close call this morning. She was antsy at 5:45 and wanted to go out but rather than really go back to bed I laid awake waiting for her to do her business and finally, after a good 15 minutes or so, went out into the backyard where I DID NOT see her. When I looked at the back gate I saw that two of the wooden slats were pushed out of the gate and it was wide open. Long story short...I went inside to to get myself together to go out looking for her; grabbed jacket flashlite, keys, and as I was getting ready to go out the door I heard her barking at the back door in the basement. I went down to the sliding door...and there she was!! I brought her in, closed the gate and leaned the slats against the gate, then went inside where I made over her something crazy for as long as she would let me.

My daughter. Besides me being born...her birth is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. At this point I will slip in my self-blessing and some authenticity too. I've been anything but a patient mom for some time now. Today I had some opportunities to practice patience with her and I took advantage of them. It's not like she was being trying....she was just talking and wanting to be heard, at one point, and at another she was operating on her own time(instead of mine, imagine that) as we arrived at home and were organizing to go inside. For a change I just slowed down, breathed and waited, offered a bit of assistance as she and our pup climbed out of the car, nothing big, just some moments, but they were kinder moments than they might have been, kinder to her and to me as well. By blessing her with some patient kindness I blessed myself as well.

One more little thing....while chatting with an old college friend on facebook this evening the subject of our overweightness came up. We talked of making small consistent changes to develop some healthier habits and talked of how I used to dance....I definitely want to get into dancing again...money is a bit of an issue then. I do have some dvd's on hold from the library, ballet type dvds. Now I just need to check them out and spend some time working with them. Just a bit of time several days a week. Today I was reminded of this way I used to bless myself and how I want to do that again.....How to start and continue showing up for dancing again.....a double blessing of exercise and creative expression...

So there it is for Saturday January 2, 2010...nothing big, but something

Ok ....so it's only two hours into the day. A little early for reporting any self-blessings, but, in fact I think I have one:

I had the tv on as background noise while I wrote my previous post(posted mere minutes ago). The reception was bad, PLUS there was nothing good on. Why even have it on? Indeed!! I turned it off and the blinking lights of the xmas tree on my left and the steady glow of the many candlelights on my right are keeping me good and peaceful company...self-blessing #1.

DD and I closed 2009 and opened 2010 with an imperfect and thrown together ritual of lighting candles with a blessing for each candle. It was last minute and not all that I wanted, BUT it was better than nothing...I'm glad we did it!! self-blessing #2

A few blessings, despite the challenges of my husband's continued unemployment and my underemployment are:

Good health-

Our wonderful critters...
Sweet Pea, our kitty who continues to stick around at 15 1/2 years of age, with kidney and thyroid, and who knows what else, problems AND he had the energy last nite to jump up on top of the china cabinet to try to nibble on a xmas centerpiece-Thank You Spirit
Ella, our wonderful 2 1/2 year old golden retriever "pup" who has the best personality...wants to please and posseses plenty of feistiness too

Loving and caring family...good, kind, intelligent folks whom I'd want in my life even if we weren't related

We continue to have the money to pay our bills and live in our home
A growing community of friends/adopted family
We're living in one of THE most beautiful places in this country imho

all by the Grace of the Creator

I think that's good for now...

And last...I am scared about what is coming in 2010. I'm worried about Tony's and my ability to find employment that enables us to continue paying our bills. I know it's hard for LOTS of folks these days. But the deck seems even more stacked against people over age....???don't know...but it seems to include our age. And I'm scared that I'm just going to continue to flounder around never making any lasting changes in these areas I claim I want to make improvements in. I'm afraid of letting my daughter down. I want to grow some better habits for both our sakes. I could go on and on with my fears, but I'll stop here for now.

I do think I should put the emotional honesty piece or the piece about my less pleasant emotions, however one wants to label it, in the middle...so I can end on a more uplifted and encouraged note.

So I'll add another blessing or two:

I've found a counselor/therapist with whom I think/intuit I will be able to work well. He's a he and I think that will be a valuable perspective for me. Plus it doesn't hurt any that he's easy on the eyes...
One more... not as many jobs were lost these last couple of weeks. That's a blessing for all sorts of folks and for us(tony and me) because there aren't as many additional people competing for these few jobs and maybe it will turn out to be the light at the curve in the tunnel as it heads us all back towards more jobs. I do think we could use a bit more help in that dept from our President, his administration and congress...but we'll leave it at that.

Ok...really late...off to sleep.

Happy Blue Moon New Year 2010!!! May we begin to find ways to create a world that is abundant and prosperous enough for ALL it's inhabitants and may we truly begin to give back to our planet in appreciation for all it's given to us. May we as a people begin to find our way to living more sustainably and peacefully. AMEN

Happy Blue Moon New Year 2010

It's one hour and 20 minutes into 2010 out here on the west coast, the Pacific Northwest coast to be exact.

I just read a post by one of my favorite bloggers, Ken Roberts, the Mildly Creative guy. He explained the reasons behind the origins of his Mildly Creative blog....to just show up daily and write something, no matter how small.

There's so many things I want to do different, so many unhealthy habits I want to shed and so many healthier and life affirming ones I want to build, grow, create. But where to start and how to "keep showing up" day in and out?

Do I walk or dance 15 minutes? Do I write down my foods daily? Do I make sure to eat at least 2-4 servings of fruit or veggies daily, all things I should be doing already? Or do I come here and make one observation or insight about my day, one blessing, one triumph?

I think I need to cast as wide a net as I can in order to catch myself doing something positive daily that I can take note of, whether it be making better food choices, making room and time for some exercise or noticing something positive about someone else.

Hmmm.......maybe report (at least) one something positive that I did or noticed about me. At the very least. I'll be 50 in 24 days. I'm slowly, or not so slowly, moving into "old dog" land, "really late bloomer" land. I'm feeling like it's really time to start learning those new tricks, to start blooming...... or maybe to just start paying attention to all the tricks I do know already and all the blooming I've done and do.

Ok...so here it is (I was just talking about this with a friend tonite) I'll show up. I'll count some blessings; I'll take note of at least one choice I feel good about for that day( a self blessing) AND I'll be honest about my feelings, the unpleasant as well as the pleasant, AND I'll attempt to keep it short. Because I know there is no way I will show up everyday and write for this length of time.

Ok...

Going out on a limb...or not

Here's a thought:

With the economy in the pits, no pardon me, what I meant to say was with our nation in the midst of a jobless recovery(how's that for an oxymoron) I think all of us little people are being called on.

And all of you many readers of my blog(okay I mean you Excavator) ask, "Called to what?"

Well, if all these many lifecoaches, evidenced by their many blogs, are any indicator, we are being called upon to BE CREATIVE!! and not wait for the government stimulus money to get jobs and the economy stimulated. Books could be written in the time it's taking for any of this stimulus money to reach us little folks. Add to that that the planet's oil supply is clearly finite and we're getting ever closer to the bottom of that barrel, so to speak. Plus the carbon footprint we make with all the oil consumption, and beefmaking cows farting methane, is only making that footprint larger and more capable of stamping out life as we know it.

The old ways aren't working.

Big business seems to be working more and more for the big guy and needing the little guy(at least these American little guys) less and less. It's making this "little guy" think that small and grassroots is becoming the way to go. It would certainly fit with my notion that we are all made to be creative. It's just that many of us don't realize it or are too damn scared to do anything about it. And by creative I mean not only the artsy fartsy creative but the big C kind. The kind where we think: "Hmmmm things just don't seem to be working so well anymore. How can we create something that will work?"

I'm thinking the kind of creative that has us average employable(but not employed yet), or more employable(but not more employed yet), folks climbing up and out of the rut of "buy, consume and throw away" that our society seems to be stuck in and saying:

"There's got to be a better way!"

It's the kind of creative that has us average folks noticing that:
jobs are going overseas or elsewhere because it's cheaper for big companies to do so;
any potential for real growth job-wise will probably be in green industries and...still waiting...
buying local is kinder to the planet and to small farmers
our schools are letting our kids down
our healthcare system is failing fast(maybe all wouldn't be in agreement on this point, but let's just pretend for the sake of argument)
our infrastructures are getting old and slowly crumbling

The old ways aren't working but there are plenty of powerful people who continue to be invested in those old ways for their own sakes. So maybe it's time for all us "little guys"(I use guys as a genderless term here, as I always have)to step up and say:

"There's got to be a better way and either we're going to find it or we're going to create it ourselves!!

Visit to Index

I had a job this past weekend as details person for a retreat at Camp Huston, a camp/conference center in Gold Bar, WA. It's located off hiway 2 as you head up towards Stephen's Pass. The job was good. I was assisting the Ethnic Missioner for the Episcopal Diocese of Olympia at a retreat. The setting would have made just about any job okay with me, there in the foothills of the Cascades, up the hill from the Skykomish River, I believe it was. I got plenty of exercise walking up and down from the lower camp to the upper camp, the highlite of those up and downhill hikes being the pleasure of hearing the river's song each time I walked back down to the lower camp from the upper camp.

I rode to and from the retreat with a woman from my church and her grandson. On the way back, we'd planned to take something of a scenic route, she asked if I'd be interested in going a little further east on Hiway 2 to Index, WA. I was absolutely up for that little excursion and so we went.

As my friend, her sleeping grandson and I drove through this teeny town she asked if I'd like to stop at the little history museum. I said "yes". We parked and she stayed in the van with her grandson while I popped into the museum and encountered a volunteer who knew his Index history and knew how to share it in a way that was both interesting and informative. I would have happily stayed longer asking him questions and learning more history but was concerned that my friend would be antsy to get rolling. So I went outside and found that she now appeared to be napping as well and I decided to pop into the little art gallery next door.

For some reason I didn't expect there to be anyone inside and I certainly didn't expect to find someone in the act of creating. But that was exactly what I found: a man who, after spending years making and selling very popular birdhouses, had switched to painting and drawing. I stepped into this little building and was startled when I saw him sitting, legs folded up in front of him on his little folding chair painting away, creating the most beautiful picture of what was out the door and across the river from us.

I tend to be very intimidated by artists and art museums, but this man and the little building containing him, his works and those of several other local artists was anything but. In those moments that we spoke he didn't for a second fit the "moody unapproachable artist" image that I had in my mind. He was kind and open and only too happy to talk with me about his work and share a bit about how he came to be doing what he was doing.

The encounter really impacted me. Those few minutes of just he and I talking about his paintings, the recent successful Index Art Fair, his aversion to computers and the very off-the-grid way he was living his life were not "a dime a dozen" moments. He shared openly and didn't seem to feel intruded upon by my interest and questions. We talked, as he continued to paint, and as I walked around a bit and explored the other room and other art. His work was the most striking and the most beautiful, to this beholder, and I thought how I'd love to find a way to spread the word around a bit about what beautiful things he was creating. His paintings have an impressionist feel to them and his inspirations for his creations are his immediate surroundings of the landscapes both large and small, of Index. He said that at one point during the winter he ran out of paint and canvas so started doing charcoal drawings. They are not impressionistic, but more realistic, of faces of some of the people of Index, and also very beautiful.

I guess I just fell in love with his art right then and there. Some moments of magic on an August Sunday afternoon. What a blessing they were and, in my recollecting, will continue to be.