Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Day 5 of showing up

Ok so day 5 isn't going to be so easy.

I'm here but having a hard time of thinking of a blessing that I'm feeling especially grateful for.

So I guess, because the most important thing is that I've showed up, I'll mention a blessing, one that has been with me every damn day of my life. This is one that with the state of the economy, and my husband's and my jobsearches what they are currently, I'm feeling a bit uncertain about for the future:

A roof over my and my family's head
I've been blessed my whole entire life with a roof over my head that has either "belonged" to my parents, been the result of tuition paid by my parents or financial aid, been the result of rent I've paid or "belonged" to my husband and myself, as much as a home we've been in possession of for 2 1/2 years out of the 30years that our loan is for, or even 8 years out of the 30 years our loan was for with our previous home. Oh my God what a HUGE blessing that has been. A huge blessing too many many people in this world have never known. I've always had this blessing, and probably mostly taken it for granted, not these days.

Today I blessed myself by listening to, and coming to understand, how my daughter was feeling about a friendship situation at school. Hopefully she felt blessed by my listening and by my time I freely gave her. I know I was; by being there for her, by making the effort to understand, my heart expanded a bit. I know that everytime I do that for her, or anyone, my heart expands a bit and I am blessed too.

Well so now I'm on a roll...because I'm reminded of another blessing: a daughter who is smart and a good and expressive reader. We had "storytime" today. This time she didn't make me come to the "library"(a room on our lower level that has a desk and 2 older computers and a tall bookshelf full of books) she was a bookmobile and brought the books and storytime to me. She read a picture book I used to read when I was a librarian(well over ten years ago) at storytimes. I'd forgotten how much I loved that book and she reminded me of that love as she brought it to life in a wonderful way.

And another blessing...
My kitty who was 15 in late June or early July...He's had blood in his urine sample two times in a row. The vet thinks he has some kind of tumor(as of October) but I didn't have an ultrasound done because I couldn't afford to do much of anything, even if there was anything to do. He's taking thyroid meds and holding his own, even with our big Ella pup. And everytime he leaps onto the sofa and plops into my lap, and so many other times during the day, I'm reminded of what a blessing he's been to me all these many years. I don't know how much more time he has but he blesses me every day he's here with his elegant feline presence.

I guess everytime I make the effort to show up here and do this exercise I'm automatically blessing myself....I've done it again, by jove.

Lastly, blessings on us all.....
May we come to learn, sooner rather than later, especially as it's already pretty late, how to give to one another, and ourselves, the blessings of compassion and of true listening and understanding, so that the possibility of blessing our world with peace can grow into a probability and then maybe even into a reality...


Ken Robert said...

Keep it up, Ailey.

excavator said...

I love the way your post evolved; how stating one of the more 'obvious' blessings became another and another. And then you blessed everyone.

Perhaps blessing ourselves is like that.

Ailey said...

Thanks Ken.

Excavator: Me too!