Ok ....so it's only two hours into the day. A little early for reporting any self-blessings, but, in fact I think I have one:

I had the tv on as background noise while I wrote my previous post(posted mere minutes ago). The reception was bad, PLUS there was nothing good on. Why even have it on? Indeed!! I turned it off and the blinking lights of the xmas tree on my left and the steady glow of the many candlelights on my right are keeping me good and peaceful company...self-blessing #1.

DD and I closed 2009 and opened 2010 with an imperfect and thrown together ritual of lighting candles with a blessing for each candle. It was last minute and not all that I wanted, BUT it was better than nothing...I'm glad we did it!! self-blessing #2

A few blessings, despite the challenges of my husband's continued unemployment and my underemployment are:

Good health-

Our wonderful critters...
Sweet Pea, our kitty who continues to stick around at 15 1/2 years of age, with kidney and thyroid, and who knows what else, problems AND he had the energy last nite to jump up on top of the china cabinet to try to nibble on a xmas centerpiece-Thank You Spirit
Ella, our wonderful 2 1/2 year old golden retriever "pup" who has the best personality...wants to please and posseses plenty of feistiness too

Loving and caring family...good, kind, intelligent folks whom I'd want in my life even if we weren't related

We continue to have the money to pay our bills and live in our home
A growing community of friends/adopted family
We're living in one of THE most beautiful places in this country imho

all by the Grace of the Creator

I think that's good for now...

And last...I am scared about what is coming in 2010. I'm worried about Tony's and my ability to find employment that enables us to continue paying our bills. I know it's hard for LOTS of folks these days. But the deck seems even more stacked against people over age....???don't know...but it seems to include our age. And I'm scared that I'm just going to continue to flounder around never making any lasting changes in these areas I claim I want to make improvements in. I'm afraid of letting my daughter down. I want to grow some better habits for both our sakes. I could go on and on with my fears, but I'll stop here for now.

I do think I should put the emotional honesty piece or the piece about my less pleasant emotions, however one wants to label it, in the middle...so I can end on a more uplifted and encouraged note.

So I'll add another blessing or two:

I've found a counselor/therapist with whom I think/intuit I will be able to work well. He's a he and I think that will be a valuable perspective for me. Plus it doesn't hurt any that he's easy on the eyes...
One more... not as many jobs were lost these last couple of weeks. That's a blessing for all sorts of folks and for us(tony and me) because there aren't as many additional people competing for these few jobs and maybe it will turn out to be the light at the curve in the tunnel as it heads us all back towards more jobs. I do think we could use a bit more help in that dept from our President, his administration and congress...but we'll leave it at that.

Ok...really late...off to sleep.

Happy Blue Moon New Year 2010!!! May we begin to find ways to create a world that is abundant and prosperous enough for ALL it's inhabitants and may we truly begin to give back to our planet in appreciation for all it's given to us. May we as a people begin to find our way to living more sustainably and peacefully. AMEN